I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
