Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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