You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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