so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
