imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
