Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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