Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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