this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
not ubering you a puppy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
