So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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