woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
