My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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