I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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