Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
