I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
