I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
