She's JV to your varsity
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
