I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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