I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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