I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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