I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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