Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
