Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think my moral compass just broke
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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