my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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