he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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