i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
