I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
