Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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