I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
