right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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