So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
