ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
