if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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