i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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