think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize