"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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