Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
