Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize