Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
