i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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