they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
