Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
