so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
there is puke in my bra ... again
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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