How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
