Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
