I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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