Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
