he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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