The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
