i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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