Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
