You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
