Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize