After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
