so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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