escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
