we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
