what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Vodka?
Forever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
