wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
