thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
