My underwear smells like fireworks.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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