so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
