They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
