suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
