you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
