All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we're so committed to being not committed
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