I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
