Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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