She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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