I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
