Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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