well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
