The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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