remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
