so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
